Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
