I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
