bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
