i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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