My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
my shit smells like andre
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize