it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
