best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
