I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Michael Bay diarrhea
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
