Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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