see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Randomize
