You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She bit a glass in half.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
