I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
