Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
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It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
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We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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