I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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