Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
