do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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