I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
