I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
it's great music for shaving your balls
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
