I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
