Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
