there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Randomize
