You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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