Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
