I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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