dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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