So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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