I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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