I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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