now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
