Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
