Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
