I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
