miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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