I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Randomize
