Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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