How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
