I want to have your abortion
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
