Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Couch. On fire.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
