he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
