but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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