Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
