its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Someone signed my nipple.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
