Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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