I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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