Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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