wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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