How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
