Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
