Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
