I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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