Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
