Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
