He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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