wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
