loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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