you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
