My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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