Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
