Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
