the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
