just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize